SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
