TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
