we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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