Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
