dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
