so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
