i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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