is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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