Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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