Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
