I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Enjoy the penises
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
