I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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