He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
