there's paper in my vomit.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
