he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
