Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
