Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
