I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
