were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
