he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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