I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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