i think my mom watched the whole time
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
