I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
