Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
