he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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