You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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