I am puke
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had to cum in my sink.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
