i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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