did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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