I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
