i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
