You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
