Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
