cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
