I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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