im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
