Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Even my vagina gasped.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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