he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it hurts more in the daytime
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
