I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
