I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
