anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
