I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
