theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
