they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
