you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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