I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
