You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
