I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't put those talents on a resume
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
