"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
