I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
