Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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