Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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