Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
