i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
