It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
