non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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