have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
