It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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