my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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