So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize