Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Terrible idea I love it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
