Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
