my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Are we still banned from the library?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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