You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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