remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
