Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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