It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
