omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
