Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the day after is always just damage control
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
