I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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