Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
