Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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