Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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