He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
ok first of all what the fuck
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
