I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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