U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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