im holly from the hills drunk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
