Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
