Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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