I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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