Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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