My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
