you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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