why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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