They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
