His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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