Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
