upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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